I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
