finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
