i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
