I wish life had little blips of pornography
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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