let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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