sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
