If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
