It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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