I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
