so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
