being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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