We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bring me that man meat
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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