why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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