i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
