I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
