remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
