epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
smell my finger.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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