hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
operation have a gay friend backfired
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
