im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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