Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
