Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
