literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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