I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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