you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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