i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
