So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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