we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
