Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
