she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
