I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
