ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
