That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
