I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
