did you get engaged???
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
