clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
