cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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