It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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