Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't deserve a penis
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
