Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
