garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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