A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
worst night to have a conscience
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
