Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
