i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
