last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
