Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
