How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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