chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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