standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
