i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hippo gnu deer
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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