He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
