I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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