Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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