you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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