I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
