Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
