babies were throwing up all over the place
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
