I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
